Since this trip started on Sunday, I have noticed several things (about me). I have been thinking about them whenever I catch myself in a situation.
I’m not in a joyful mood lately. I may appear cold sometimes, or grumpy, and dealing with overly extroverted persons worsens things, because I’m not mentally ready to handle them. Or, as we say, « in the mood ». Why have I become like this, it’s hard to say. Maybe I’ve become more wary of strangers. Or maybe it’s hard for me to become less centered in pleasing others. I’m feeling less guilty when I find people annoying, less than before. Should that be criticized? Why should we all be forced to be friends with everybody?
When I meet people, I am quiet but easy to talk to. I won’t hesitate to say what I think, if I’m sure of my opinion. That was something that I had been trying to develop, and here it is. Should that new part of me stay?
My « home » country isn’t unknown, fortunately. The problem is that I still find it unbelievable, that people can’t imagine a Peruvian of Chinese descent, however they can easily picture a French of Moroccan or Algerian descent. Another drawback is that easily lose control of the conversation and start going over the same answer book of personal questions:
Why did your parents go to Peru?
How long have you lived there?
Do you want to stay in France?
Do you miss your family?
Where did you learn French?
Why are there so many Chinese in the world?
Do you know… (insert name of a Peruvian or Chinese city that I must know but I don’t know how to promote because I’m not the Bureau of Tourism)?
They become the masters of the conversation and I can’t even ask back something about them (except for « Have you been there ? »). I feel like a new hi-tech product in a showcase, with people asking for specs. It’s just the same questions, over and over again, and while I’m open to share with you about my country and mu cultures, I feel that people here don’t ask me the right question in order to get that true answer. All my answers are just devoided of their real depth because I know they want me to answer what they are expecting to hear.
Anglet, 21/09/2016, 23:45.