Two years have gone by since I first arrived here, and I feel no more a foreigner: I’m working as an engineering apprentice in a French company, almost the summit of my integration process. But, hello there, I’ve started to feel that the exchange students community, my life jacket at the beginning of this long journey, now finds me « not foreigner enough » in order to remain in their social group. It wouldn’t matter that much (each individual has the right to choose or to be chosen by a group of friends) if it wasn’t that I’m not the kind of person that sends a file into the archives that easily.
I used to think, as most of the foreigners in France, that French were quite arrogant and unfriendly. And it was really what I felt, in my Peruvian shoes. Most of my approaches to my French classmates were awkward, and I usually wouldn’t hear back from them. I felt by far more confortable with the international students at school, we were in the same boat after all. But time passed by and I met some of my best friends until now, who helped me behave correctly (well, it seems you can’t just hug every friend out of nothing as we do in Latin America, and you don’t do your kawaii stuff in public as in Hong Kong, yup, consequences of a past otaku life). Most importantly, I became way more fluent in French, and I was finally able to get out my Hispanic personality in French. Therefore, I became « frenchier »: à l’aise. That’s the positive part of the story.
The following lines are purely my own perception of the facts. After a year, I realized that the exchange students actually preferred their « international » group over their French classmates, a minority. They usually talked in English, and didn’t try too hard to practice orally their French. Meanwhile, I had to choose between two paths: either merging with their « values » by going out with them til 4 am and speaking in English, playing it cool, or stick to the person I had become, who went to lectures, studied hard, spoke and dreamed in French (but was still fluent in English). It felt somehow like choosing between social life in Peru or social life in Hong Kong. The former has me discussing in a park under olive trees about the reality of life, the ethics of art, what progress really means, or about social issues under our donkey-belly sky, and the latter pictures skyscrapers tickling the clouds, roof-top bars, massive mountains, the ocean, a sea of people people from all over the world and shaking hands with new persons every night out.
I realized bitterly that once you jump off the boat into the French sea, you can’t completely climb back, I’m holding to the rope, and not really eager to swim away. Thinking objectively, sticking to the community of exchange students would had been rather a disadvantage for me, who had exams and projects to submit, who needed to be constantly re-reading what had been done in class, and had a job to find for this year. On a warmer note, my choice of staying more on the French-side rather than on the « exchange fellas » side was based on the assumption that I could always try to link people from both sides (my attempts usually remained as so).
Funny as it can be, the more I worked with the International Society and the Student Union, the more I got to know France, its people and my school. I didn’t see French guys and girls anymore, I saw Albans, Lucas, Alices, Guillaumes, Rémis… Where I used to see a « Chinese » tag, I could see Ruiqis, Ninas, Wenjuns… There were no more Mexicans, for me it was all Jaimes, Karinas, Mauricios and Cristians. Of course I would keep their nationality tag if I ever had to refer to them to somebody to whom they were unknown. As a result, I came up with a phrase that I wished I could inspire into the rest of people surrounding me: I don’t care where you come from, all I see is the person you are. Some would reply « What would be the aim of an international society, if it wasn’t cultural exchange? ». I’d say that I never intended to down-scale such a rich heritage within every individual, what is more, I’m more than glad when having people share that between them or with me. But I consider that your personality and your character, your dreams and your fears, are more important than (and not always depend from) the place you come from.
Back to the topic, at the same time I started shifting away from the same exchange fellas routine, the International Society was on, and I couldn’t let it die out. We talked about it with the international students at school, those who had already been there more than one semester, I spread the word among the exchange students that I had just met, and I met new people, most of them French, interested in joining this adventure! Hooray!
And then, the void. Well, in fact I just saw these several friendly French who tried to approach the exchange gang being politely turned away. Let me show you a rough sketch of this situation:
«Hey, whatcha guys doing’ tonight? » « We’re having some pre-drinking with the exchange students at my place tonight. You may come, if you want to »
Dude, it kinda feels like he was forced to invite him over. Or worse:
«Hey, whatcha guys doing tonight? » Seen at: 22:36
And the one that hurts the almost-host the most :
« Hi guys, I propose an apéro at my flat tonight, bring some booze and later we’ll head downtown for some fun. » Seen by everybody. 0 comments.
Having seen this, most of French just give up and don’t bother to insist. They take it (very) easy. But I’m such a fool that I always keep a small flame of hope.
« Tu sais, les Français il faut que ce soit toi qui s’approche, parce que nous on ne va pas toujours le faire.»
I admit that I might be biased, that I may not have the full version of the facts. Who knows, maybe relationships between people are flowing like the wind and Erasmus of Rotterdam is beaming us from the sky…
But it’s just infuriating to hear other nationalities, say for example Moroccans, complaining about how French don’t like hanging out with them, or don’t try to, without thinking about what might the cause of that. It is almost a reflex to say « racism », « discrimination » , « arrogance » or « narrow-minded », and it’s harder to flip the pancake and find what you did instead.
It gets me on my nerves that students supposed to open to other cultures with the Erasmus program, remain inside a shell, only opening to people with the same « transit » or « exchange » status. Being ashamed of their French proficiency, superiority feelings, wrong objectives, fear of not being up to others’ expectations, mediocrity, as long as it is sincere, it’s acceptable as an explanation. But then answer me: what would have then been the difference between staying one month and staying four months, studying here in France? Where’s the « exchange » part of the contract if you received food and landscapes, was offered friendship and and an insight into a way of thinking and gave nothing back to the host country? And most importantly, how do you think locals will remember you and your country?
I believe that there’s no other way to learn than stepping out of our confort zone. Personally, I think there is a moment where is time to start seeing things through other colours. Because it’s the combination of all colour frequencies what makes light white as it is.